Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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