and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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