Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
