so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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