Porn is love you can see.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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