If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
