i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
