I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
