so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
