he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
