I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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