I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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