I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
