Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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