I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
