'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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