apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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