You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
