There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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