i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
