just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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