I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
