i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
