the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
