i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
