I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
