I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
