I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
