Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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