Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
