he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
