I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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