There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
