5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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