Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
