6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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