Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I need to calm my uterus...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
