He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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