There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
