I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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