i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
