The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
