Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
