Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
