How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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