Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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