you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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