I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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