I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
