I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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